Healing Relationships
There is a part of me that believes everything is as it should be.
This part of me strives to be the light when things are dark, or to offer a smile to someone who seems to be having a bad day. When I am in this space, I am creative, kind and optimistic. This space allows me to dream of a harmonious life filled with prosperity and love. When this part of me is active, I feel one with my Higher Self and my cup runs over enough to encourage others on their journeys.
Then there is the part of me who is not having any of this sentimental foolishness. She doesn’t believe I will ever move past where I am now, and that my dreams of living with complete time and money freedom are pipe dreams. She believes I will always be burdened with heavy responsibilities and fueled by resentment. She doesn’t believe that I deserve a second chance. She believes I am forever bound by the karma of my hurtful and manipulative behaviors of the past. She believes that no matter what I do, things never change.
Healing
Of course, I prefer to identify with the part of myself that floats down the river of daily mindfulness in a boat of meditation and yoga. Nothing seems to phase me when I cocoon myself inside devotional practices and creative endeavors. But the other side of me feels left behind. She feels hurt, unseen and unvalidated.
A recent trigger brought the hurt part of me crashing onto the shores of my carefully cultivated tranquility as the captain of an ocean liner made of anger and bitterness. I was caught off guard by the rage that poured black oil all over the sandy beaches of my inner peace. I thought I was above such crass behavior, but clearly I missed something on my “Spiritual Wokeness” checklist.
It turns out that the anger was missing. The part of me that feels hurt, unseen and unvalidated does not want to be left behind. Her anger fueled my resolve to keep going when I wanted to give up. Her pain was a welcomed break from the daily numbness that escorted me from sunrise to sunset. Her tears and anguish were sometimes the only signals letting me know I was still alive. After all she has done, how dare I leave her behind.
Message received.
Still, angry outbursts are not the answer. While I honor the part of me that feels hurt, I want to do so in a way that promotes healing and restoration. I want to make her whole without drudging black oil all over the place.
Gratitude
I want to say that I have a neat and tidy solution that will eliminate these deeply rooted feelings of hurt, but I do not. When I don’t have the answer (and after I have regained myself), I follow this path:
- Pay gratitude– I am grateful for the trigger that brought a deeply seeded and unresolved issue to the surface for healing. Thank you.
- Acknowledge– I acknowledge the part of me that feels hurt. Your feelings are valid. You do not have to live in the shadows. You can be reconciled with the completeness of who I am. You no longer need to lash out, because you are safe with me and with your tribe.
- Awareness– I am aware of my unresolved issues that require healing. My awareness helps me take notice of the changes that happen in my physical and emotional bodies prior to an episode of lashing out. Because I am aware, I can make choices that better serve me.
- Compassion- I am compassionate with myself as I work through these issues. They have been with me for a long time, and I may need more than one chance to get it right.
- Allow- I leave room for my Higher Self to guide me along the path of healing. I do not have all of the answers right now, but they are available to me through Faith and Trust.
Love
I often feel the self-imposed pressure to be and appear perfect. I want to have all the answers so things look neat and tidy before they are presented. I would love to say I have this all figured out and appear deeply insightful and pulled together.
The truth is I don’t have all the answers. I feel apprehensive about encountering the next trigger. I have faith that my methods will work, but I don’t know for sure.
The allure of appearing perfectly pulled together keeps me fragmented, and the left-out pieces make my puzzle incomplete. Often the pieces that I keep hidden for fear of looking imperfect are the ones I need most for reconciliation and healing. My vulnerabilities are invaluable to my human experience, and they help me remain connected to humanity.
I offer love to the parts of me that desire healing, because love heals what feels hurt and fragmented. I have the courage to sit with the hurt, and I allow room for healing that is organic and unique to my circumstances.
I do not know the outcome right now, and I am grateful.
And so it is.
Breathe.Gratitude.Love. 
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