* This post contains details from my personal life experience and is not intended as medical advice*
My descent into isolation was like a slow leak of air from a back tire. The pressures of daily life had overridden the need to nurture my most meaningful friendships. The marginalization that tends to come with divorce, moving and single parenthood also took their toll on my social life.
The isolation initially grew from circumstances, but then became more intentional. There were toxic relationships that needed to be removed from the garden of my life. My desires were being strangled in the weeds of opportunistic thoughts and ideas that did not originate from my personal beliefs. I found myself leaving behind the people, places and circumstances that no longer served my highest good.
It was a difficult and painful process.
Healing
Eventually my circle became myself and my children. The island of my existence granted limited access to the outside world. I rarely engaged in social media and did not watch television for over 2 years. I did not attend social events. I even chose to work from home to focus on raising my kids and to minimize the often negative interactions produced by the workplace structure.
After a period of adjustment, I began to see the flowers that were growing from my isolation.
Flower 1- Deep Healing
Isolation brought to the surface traumas that I did not even know existed. The issues I thought resolved had really been left to fester, constantly finding new outlets to express the same hurts from the past. The rage-filled temper I had as a child now manifested as angry outbursts at strangers or as yelling at my kids. The attempts to please the adults from my childhood now manifested as over extending myself in attempts to get others to like me in adulthood. The abandonment I felt from an absent father in childhood now manifested as leaving anything or anyone I thought might leave me first in adulthood.
The level of mental fortitude required to endure this level of reflection and healing cannot be understated. It is hard. But it was necessary for me to hear myself clearly without the interjection of other people’s opinions. Finding out what I really believe for myself and about myself is truly empowering.
Flower 2- Renewal
Isolation from my family of origin allowed me to see myself through a clear Eye. The heavy hand of religious ideology was no longer pressing against my consciousness, and the light of Truth finally found its way inside. The voices of condemnation began to fade and I started to hear the Love that rang freely from nature. I heard the leaves crunching under my feet as I walked and the wind rustling through trees in the background. I started to see strangers from all backgrounds as opportunities to express kindness and build connections. I began attaching my security to the things that are always true, such as Love, Kindness, and Gratitude. I began to realize that I was immersed in the love I had been trying to earn my whole life. I felt the deep and cleansing breath of freedom.
I went no contact with my family before I knew it had become a trend. It seems many people are thinking differently about beholding to relationships simply based on tradition or entitlement. Many are choosing to prioritize their own mental safety and well-being no matter the cost.
For me there was no conscious build-up to going no contact, only moments of choice. I would either continue in toxic relationships and thereby remain toxic myself, or separate and heal.
In the end there was no real decision, only acceptance of the path I had chosen, even if it meant being alone.
Flower 3- Creating a Life of Intention
The emptiness left by the isolation period brings tremendous clarity. It is like stepping into a brand new home with big open windows, vaulted ceilings, fresh paint and new carpet. Thought it may not be time to move in completely, it is the perfect time to plan the content that will fill your space with intention.
Creating a life of intention triggered an even deeper level of reflection and healing. I realized I was still holding on to a vision of my life that simply would not happen. I allowed myself to grieve the loss and addressed the anger hidden deep within. I listened to what the anger had to say. I wrote it down on paper, I read it, and I witnessed its truth. It was difficult and uncomfortable, but it was necessary. I then asked my Source to help me release the anger and the life I had envisioned so I could finally move into the life standing before me.
With this clean slate, I started creating the life I wanted by first becoming the kind of person I wanted to be. I want to be accepted by others, so I learned to accept myself for who I am in the present moment. I want to co-create a beautiful life, so I began to engage my own beautiful creativity. I want open and honest relationships, so I am open and honest with myself.
I continue to create a life of intention through ongoing healing, dreaming and growth.
Gratitude
“When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me “Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping”– Mr. Rogers
Help along the way
There have been constant interjections of help and encouragement during this period of isolation, and I would like to pay gratitude to a few of those moments.
I was in a store with my kids one day when the feeling of overwhelm began to fill my chest. I stepped outside of the store to get some air, but instead burst into tears. A car stopped, made a u-turn and drove over to where I was standing. Two ladies stepped out of the car and walked over to me. They hardly said any words to me, but instead just put their arms around me and held me until I regained my composure. We said our goodbyes and they left. Thank you.
During a particularly challenging financial period, a former employer caught wind of how difficult things were for myself and my children. She took me to the gas station and filled my car with gas, then took me to get groceries- lots of groceries! She even made sure my daughter had gifts to open for her upcoming birthday. Thank you.
A neighbor noticed that I was repeatedly having difficulty with my car. She later sent me a text message saying she remembers how hard it was as a single mother raising two children on her own. She told me to give my kids her number and to have them call her if they ever needed help and I could not get to them. On that day, I felt seen, I felt heard and I felt understood. Thank you.
Coaches and Mentors
A few years into my period of isolation, I reached out to someone I greatly admire to enroll in her coaching program. I originally wanted help developing my own business, but it quickly became clear I needed support as I worked through my healing journey.
I am so thankful that my coach was flexible enough to recognize my immediate needs and pivot the program accordingly. She described my existence as a constant doggy paddling, and graciously helped me to learn how to float more and paddle less. Thank you.
Remaining in isolation for the purpose of intentional healing is a challenge. Having the support of a coach gave me a much needed bridge to cross difficult waters. It also gave me a new perspective and challenged me to live the fullness of my potential.
I encourage anyone who chooses this path to enlist the support of a coach or mentor. They provide a fresh perspective and constructive encouragement.
Reconnection with journaling
The isolation period reconnected me with consistent journaling.
Journaling has become one of my greatest tools in maintaining connection with my best and Highest Self. It allows me to pay closer attention to my own thoughts and feelings, recognize emotional patterns and to be aware of emotional areas that require my attention. Through journaling, I have outlined, developed and practiced several self-healing techniques, divination practices and creative projects that resonate with my truest self.
We all have a special creativity within us that serves as a lifeline, but it can become obscured by the distractions of daily living. The isolation period gives us time to rekindle our unique passions. Whether your creative expression involves choreography or event planning, drawing or miming, you owe it to yourself to invest in the things that bring you joy. It is instrumental in feeling alive with purpose.
Love
The isolation period can open doors to many conflicting feelings.
Relief may follow the exit of a toxic relationship, but there may also be feelings of sadness and longing. We may settle into the long stretches of silence with relaxing gratitude and later be unsettled by the fear of missing out. We may be romanced into feelings of superiority to make us feel better about the emotional distance from our loved ones. All of these feelings are valid, and they all deserve our understanding.
With the mixture of emotions involved in the isolation period comes strategies for self-love and love for others. These are a few of the ways I have learned to manage my complex feelings for those with whom I no longer have contact:
- Separate the person from their actions. When negative feelings arise and are directed at a specific person, I make an effort to mentally separate the actions from the person who committed the actions. I speak or write my anger towards the actions that negatively effect me without holding the person’s name or mental image in my mind. This allows me to honor the journey of the other human while releasing the anger that demands expression. It also weakens the energetic attachment to the person released from my present experience.
- Sending encompassing prayers. On significant occasions or holidays that include a person with whom I no longer have contact, I send an encompassing prayer throughout the Universe. Here is an example of how I build an encompassing prayer using the Father’s Day holiday:
- Standing outside with bare feet in the grass, I close my eyes and allow feelings of love and gratitude to fill my heart.
- I allow the love and gratitude to overflow into the surrounding atmosphere. I then focus and spread that love and gratitude towards all fathers who have been a part of my life and a part of the lives of the people within my household.
- I continue to focus and spread love and gratitude to the fathers in my neighborhood, then surrounding neighborhoods, then the city, the state, surrounding states, etc. until I have extended love for fathers as far reaching as my heart can possibly imagine.
- This method of prayer helps protect my energy from unwanted triggers, pays gratitude to the people significant to my existence, and honors the path of others through responsible and loving energetic engagement.
- Honor and Respect. These are the methods I use to honor and respect my boundaries and the paths of others:
- Remaining no contact allows me to maintain the rewards and integrity of my well earned healing and growth. My healing is a perpetual gift presented daily to the parts of me that need to feel secure, nurtured and loved.
- Respecting the paths of others allows me to remember that my path is neither better nor worse, more important nor less important, more sacred nor less sacred than anyone else’s path. Each of us are free to live as we choose, and we are free to heal or not heal at our own pace.
- Acknowledging feelings as they arise allows me to honor the validity of my full experience. Although I may easily absorb things from a Spiritual standpoint, I must also honor my vulnerable human emotions. This cooperation gives me the chance hear, understand, honor and release emotions, preventing them from becoming full on blockages.
Many of us who walk an intentional path of healing encounter periods of uncertainty and isolation. We want to know when we will emerge from this cocoon and finally connect with our covens and tribes. I too am one of those people.
It can be tempting to rush through the final stages of the isolation period, but doing so would prove less fulfilling. The time it takes to walk this unique path is sacred. It is to be celebrated from beginning to new beginning.
I cannot say when the period will end, but I can say that preparing for the grand re-emergence is a beautifully exciting time. It comes with an undeniable energy that vibrates with new texture and brighter colors.
It is a time of crafting a life with love.
And so it is.
Breathe.Gratitude.Love. 
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