Breathe.Gratitude.Love.

After working remotely for nearly 5 years, I decided to return to in-person nursing.

I use the word decided very loosely. It was more like the forces of life violently pushing me from the lap of a plush comfort zone. The reasons that led me to working from home 5 years ago no longer existed, but I was reluctant to give up the benefits that come with working remotely. These benefits included things like short and sweet social interactions, less sitting in traffic, and a relaxed self-presentation.

It was clear that those benefits came with attachments. Dwindling social interactions turned into feelings of disconnect. A life of purpose slowly gave way to excuses that validated reasons for remaining isolated, small and contracted. Personal vibrancy took a back seat to mediocre self-care routines. Indeed, I had fallen into a rut.

The Rut of Comfort

Comfort is a difficult place to leave. It is like trying to come from under the softest, warmest sheets and blankets to turn up the thermostat in the middle of a cold night in December.

I made a solid effort to leave remote work the previous year. I went as far as accepting a job offer that would allow me to work with real live humans again. But the comfort of an easy job that only required me to travel a few feet away tucked me back under the warm blankets for another year.

The smothering of my full potential slowly began to show outwardly. The lack of challenging mental stimulation stripped the sparkle from my eyes. My smile had an undercurrent of sadness. Even my heart rate and reflexes began to slow down. There was a life inside that begged for time in the sunshine, for fresh air and exercise.

So as it often does, life gave me a few gentle yet stern warnings of encouragement to rejoin life. I explained these warnings away in the manner of “now is not the right time” or “maybe in a few years” or “I’m probably too old by now”.

Then life decided to yank the warm blankets off and expose me to the cold air of truth:

• My expenses were outpacing my income
• Growth potential in my current job was non-existent
• The “kids” were now teenagers who were better capable of handling themselves. My coddling was only hindering their ability to solve their own problems.
• My life was stagnant with few (if any) meaningful bonds with other adults
• I needed to pull my sensitive-ass head out of the sand and get in shape physically, emotionally and financially.
• Burr!

It took these hard facts to help me look deeper into the expanded meaning of my life. It was indeed time to wake up and get about the business of fulfilling my life purpose. No one else could do it for me.

I initiated a plan to transition from the comfort zone and into the meaningful challenges that bring life to the living:

Step 1- Reflecting on the Past

• Reflection I took time to reflect on the intention that led me to working remotely 5 years prior. The intention was to support my family financially with the flexibility needed in raising small children. Working remotely helped me to fulfill this intention with the added benefit of extensive personal healing and growth. It was indeed a soft place to land when life was difficult and turbulent.
• Acknowledgment. Working remotely offered the opportunity to acknowledge the things that were and were not working in my favor from a professional standpoint. This acknowledgment guided me to the places within that needed compassion and healing. It led to self-understanding and self-forgiveness which then poured over into forgiving others.
• Vision and Plan. The vision of who I thought I wanted to be slowly evaporated. In its place came the vision of a future that included the totality of who I am. Owning and embracing my complete story allowed me to plan the steps that would lead me into the present-day vision of a healthy, prosperous, giving member of society. This plan includes measurable actions to responsibly manage my health, finances, and emotions.
• Moderate Expectations. As renewing as embarking on a life-shift feels, it is still important to expect set-backs and challenges. Granting time to adjust to a new way of life is to treat oneself with generosity and compassion.
• Release the Old. The old story is not something to be held over your head like a dark cloud, nor is it a badge of honor for outstanding participation. It is what happened and/or a learning opportunity. Surrender the old story to the past as a marking that measures the extent of personal growth. The present moment is all we have, and it is full of refreshing renewal.

Step 2- Present in Transition

• Being who you are wherever you are. There is usually a gap between leaving the old story and crossing the threshold of a new start. This in-between space tells us the most about who we are. Will we use this space to despise the past or pay gratitude for the ways that the old story supported us? Will we use this space to become lax or finish strong? Will we cling to our personal integrity or become hostile? Who we are within this holding space is who we are in all spaces.
• Additional disruptions. Be on the lookout for other life areas that have fallen into the rut of comfort. These other areas will hear the train of change and hop on before you know it. Facing several areas of disruption can feel overwhelming, but consider allowing the energy of refreshment to do what needs to be done in one fell swoop. It makes sense to elevate in multiple areas, and you are built to handle it!
• Sharpen your voice. Sharpening your voice during the transition period is to clear away conflicting language and actions, providing a clear view of who you are. It is a chance to solidify the value of your presence within all spaces.
• Self-Appreciation. The transition period prompted a chance for me to see the previous 5 years through a wider lens. It allowed me to see a life lived with intention and the short-term sacrifices made for the greater good of my family. Just as we appreciate the old story, so must we appreciate ourselves for choosing discipline over instant gratification. These sacrifices are witnessed by others, adding to the fabric of selflessness that strengthens the bonds of humanity.
• Setting new intentions. The discomfort of being comfortable propels us into the action of meaningful change. Once the dust settles, we must revise or release the intentions that no longer serve us and set intentions to lead us into a fruitful future. It is important to consider our personal well-being from a platform of thriving physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, and financial health when setting new intentions.

Step 3- Plans for Re-entry

• Bring your fears along for the ride. I faced a barrage of fears after accepting a new job. Not only had I been away from working in person for 5 years, I had been away from actual patient care for 8 years! I wondered if I would remember everything, if I was too old, and if I had “lost it”. But my motto is to let the fears come along for the ride, just don’t let them drive. In other words, do it and be scared at the same time. You are allowed.
• Share your unique perspective. Don’t be afraid to offer fresh insight. What you have to say needs to be heard, and you are the only one who can deliver the message. Take up space. Add to the conversation. Start the conversation. Be seen and be heard.
• Make new connections. Make new connections the way first graders make friends on the playground. Meet new people and bond with those who engage your vibe. Other people long to connect with you, and these connections will lead to even more opportunities.
• Have Fun. Re-entering an arena after an absent period can be intimidating. It can also be rewarding beyond the imagination. So don’t forget to have fun because life is short.

To the Test

Working remotely served me for many years, and I am grateful.

I am grateful for the opportunity I was given to provide financially for my family with great flexibility. I loved being able to walk or drive my kids to and from school every day. I am grateful for all the money I saved by not having to use after-school care, and for being a stable presence for my kids.

Working remotely gave me the chance to heal mountains of emotional traumas and to forgive in ways I never thought possible. It gave me time to indulge at least 5 different hobbies and to reconnect with writing and journaling. It allowed me to spend less money on gas and eating out. It supported the peaceful space that I desperately needed after a period of turbulence.

I cannot say that I will never work remotely again. But I can say that returning to the in-person workforce is where I want to be right now. This is not to say that things will magically turn perfect once I return to working in person, although I leave space for that too. It is to say that the time has come to put myself to the test.

Can I embody the compassion that I write about in solitude? Can I live the patience in public that I practice with myself in private? Do I rise after a fall, or do I wallow on the grown of self-pity? Can I make a positive and lasting difference in the lives of the most vulnerable among us? Can I overcome the fears that want to keep me small?

The answers are out there, and I am here to answer the call to action.

It is released.