Breathe.Gratitude.Love.

Being in tune with my empathic energy is a wonderful experience. The ability to sense the deeper meanings of events and circumstances has led to wonderful discoveries. It helps me make choices that better serve my intentions and connect with others in meaningful ways.

The process of cultivating this energy requires focused intent, consistency and deep levels of trust. This means constant refinement and realignment of the personality with the spirit, devotion to ones path of expansive healing and trusting with the heart in place of reasoning.

In other words, developing this energy takes lots of work.

The power of empathic energy is not hidden from others. In fact, beings are drawn to empaths because of the calm security emitted from our souls.  The more we are aligned with our energy, the more we attract those seeking the same within themselves. It is often flattering to know that others want to be around us, but it can also be draining. 

Empaths are notoriously selfless with others without first being selfless with ourselves.  I am the first to admit to a personal history of over-extending myself energetically in the name of being compassionate.   Here are just a few of my overly enthusiastic  (and utterly embarrassing) adventures in being “compassionate”:

• Climbing into a dumpster to look for someone’s missing dentures.  No, I never found the dentures.
• Helping a lady who slid out of her wheelchair at the mall through sheer man-handling.  My back hurt for weeks after.
• Buying someone’s medication when they could not afford to do so.  My bank account subsequently went into the negative and incurred a windfall of overdraft fees.  I then worked overtime to get back on track.
• “Loaning” a guy I’d only recently met $500 dollars to help him file for divorce.  Needless to say, I never saw him or my money again.
• Indulging someone in an hours-long “conversation”.  By conversation, I mean I said hello, how are you and they said everything else.

You get the idea.

Somewhere in my compassion-cape wearing era, I ran into someone who gave me some much needed words of wisdom.  

The person needed assistance with caring for herself, and I was there to help.  But it was difficult to care for her due to her physical condition.  When she saw me struggling to complete the task, she said to me “That’s enough.  That’s good enough.  I’m like this because of how I lived my life.  Do not wreck your body because of my mistakes”.

It would take decades for me to fully understand what she meant. I was so tied to my professional title that I did not take my own physical safety into consideration.

My adventures in over-giving have significantly reduced thanks to the understanding that I need to first care for myself.  I deserve the same compassion that I give so freely.

Here are some of the ways that I honor my energy today:

• Give from the overflow.  The truest compassion comes from the overflow of compassion we give to ourselves.  It is from a place of self-fulfillment so abundant that it must now be shared.  In order to protect the integrity of our energy, we must decide if our giving comes from a place of personal fulfillment or if we are giving to be seen as a good person or to prove ourselves worthy.
• Say no and move on.  I first learned to say no with my kids after I became exhausted from trying to make their every wish come true.  What followed was their increased ability to find other ways of fulfilling their own wishes and a decreased dependence on my energy.  Next I learned to say no to coworkers who wanted to bypass proper channels for the quick and easy answers that I could provide.   I learned to say no to people’s charms by realizing it was not really me they wanted.  They wanted my energy.  This understanding reduced my attachment to the rewards of being seen as a good or knowledgeable person, along with the unnecessary exertion of my energy.
• Limiting engagement with low-vibrational people and activities.  Low-vibrational energy tends to take without giving back.  It is the person who always borrows your car but never refills the gas.  It is the weekend of partying that leaves you regretful and hungover.  This slow siphoning of the high-quality energy you have worked so hard to cultivate leaves you depleted without knowing why.  Whenever I begin to question if I should continue with a relationship or activity, I ask myself “How does this person/activity make me feel overall?’  If the feeling is overall negative, it is time to reconsider my involvement.     

Intentional Energy

Defining energetic boundaries left me with tons of available energy no longer tied up in unnecessary foolishness.  This energy increase could now be routed into the intentional activities of my choice. 

I thought of constructive measures with which to fill my days.  Of course there is a measure of flexibility, and I may not hit all of my targets each day.  Still, routing my intentional energy into the following activities has opened the doors to many opportunities:

• Daily Gratitude.  Gratitude is different from just saying thank you.  We generally say “thank you” to something that pleases us or that instantly effects us in a positive manner.  Gratitude is being appreciative, regardless of if something instantly effects us in a positive manner.  It is the trust that thankfulness is buried somewhere inside and knowing the thankfulness will make its way to the surface eventually.  Gratitude is being thankful for not getting the job we wanted, knowing that if we did not get the job it was not meant to be.  Finding deeper gratitude is a wonderful use of intentional energy that constantly gives back. 
•   Self-Affirmation.  Self-affirmations are best built from limiting beliefs that are rooted into the psyche.  Transforming a negatively-charged belief (I am unworthy love ) into a positively-charged belief (I am innately worthy of love) is a beautiful way to re-route energy to work on our behalf.  It helps us to see ourselves as equal to all, which reduces the chances of being lured in by those wishing to use us for our energy.
• Meaningful Movements.  More than just exercise, meaningful movements are infused with personal enjoyment.  It is the difference between walking in circles around a track for the purpose of losing weight and walking through nature and listening to the sounds she produces.  Both are great ways to move, but one has a deeper personal meaning.  One can leave you feeling defeated when the scale doesn’t move fast enough while there are no expectations attached to the other.  
• Indulging hobbies.   Now is the perfect time to delve into a new or forgotten hobby.  Having a consistent hobby such as crafting, gardening or volunteering are linked to good mental health and overall well-being.  Developing a consistent hobby brings added meaning and excitement to life . 

Overcoming the need to please others to the deficit of our own needs recalls our energy from people and circumstances that do not serve us. This gives us the energy to craft a life of intention and personal enjoyment. It frees us to foster genuine connections with those who seek to cooperate for more meaningful experiences.